An Open Letter to Tommy K
January 12, 2010 by admin
Filed under living with me
Dear Tom,
My staff informed me that you left a comment on this post and it needed to be addressed personally.
I remember it all. Even more than you do.
Roses on Valentine’s Day, always. Your smile made you look like a school boy but your bad ass silver Porsche said otherwise.
Lunches on Tuesday, yes. Remember when I showed up at your store, confessing everything and you thought you could fix it by making a confession of your own? Apples and oranges, Tommy. Apples and oranges.
Let me win in card games? No. But remember when I was encouraging you to institute the asterisk that became GFA?
Better yet, remember that one time I was really drunk? Sure you do, it was after a Rotary Christmas party and we were at the table with four other couples and I had a revelation … I clearly stated, “I am the only one at this table that hasn’t slept with Mary Jane.”
This was the same night I robbed Steve the Banker during Liar’s Dice. Depth Charge, baby. I don’t think I’ve played Liar’s Dice since that night but I can’t think about any game of dice without seeing Mary Jane clenching a quarter between her front teeth. Oooh, and before we had dinner do you remember when you twirled Lizzy Belle with so much enthusiasm she fell flat on her ass on the dance floor. Gotta love a live band. And you’ve got to love Lizzie. She popped right up, danced some more, and never skipped a beat of the song she was singing.
Of course, I remember our pact and I will always be your Care Bear, didn’t we just enter our third decade of friendship? And your Happy New Year’s message from Champ will never, ever be deleted from my cellphone. Can’t share it with anyone, but it’s too sweet to delete. In fact, I was just telling a friend about you a few days ago. Remember the time I asked you, “So what’s the point of anything happening in the woods if no one ever knows about it?” You said, what happens in the woods stays in the woods. My friend disagreed with you. Don’t make me choose between the two of you.
I know why you are here, Tom. This is about Elvis, isn’t it? It’s been a few years since you’ve sang Blue Christmas in my ear. You were so close, your whispered singing gave me goosebumps. Your rendition of A Very Merry Karen Carpenter Christmas, not so much. And now Elvis just celebrated his if I would have been alive, I’d be seventy-five birthday. Time flies.
Remember when you bought the vintage Elvis book? You wrote a beautiful dedication in the front of the book, pretending you were Elvis revealing for the first time that I was LisaMarie’s sister.
And speaking of books, I know you want to borrow my book for Lizzie. Go ahead, she’s not going to read it anyway. You can borrow it and can make notes in the margins. Hell, use a highlighter if you must. I’ll consider your edits.
Welcome back.
Care Bear,
Where did my precious two comments go? An administration cut, or . . . those sensitive censor that are known to be on your payroll? (why is that question mark soo small? Is it especially cold tonight? There’s alot of mystery with CandidCarrie.com!
Your picture on the MilwaukeeMoms, Got Milk? is excellent – that’s the Carrie we all know and love – open, a little irreverent, but sweet, approachable, friendly, fun loving and ofcourse, hot. When Champ saw it, he want to get a photo from you that we could hang on the wall at the ranger house – it gets pretty slow this time of the year at the Stuckmann Wild Life and Camping Park and seeing that lovely picture would give us a lift.
Speaking of the Park – I haven’t had success yet in lining up entertainment for this upcoming summer. I suppose by now David has told you about Tiger Woods hiding out from the press, Elin, etc. It hasn’t been much of a problem for us – Champ bunks with me and Tiger has his room. I guess the only problem is that he never goes outside the house – just sits there all day long, looking at the golf channel and talking about Elin – how he doesn’t want her to leave him, how much he loves her and on and on. It gets kind of hard to be around after a while.
The latest news is we got a call from Bret the other day. He was talking about how much he enjoyed being at the park last year and if we would allow him to come starting on 2/7/10, maybe stay for a couple weeks. Seems he is having a hard time getting over the big loss in the championship game. Check with David and see what he thinks. We could maybe put him and Tiger in the same room (there is bunk beds in there already). He would like to hunt in the Stuckmann woods, fish in the creek – just kind of be alone for a while. I can’t believe how hard he’s taking that loss. I thought I would cheer him up a little when I said to him, ‘why are taking this so hard – hell you’ve been choking in big games for years’. It didn’t seem to help.
Atleast Tiger has had some good news since he’s been here. You know he’s lost a lot of his big sponship deals. Well, last week Frito Lay called and wanted him to push their products – the first ad will have Tiger on the front of a bag of Frito Lay chips – he’ll have a chip in his hand while saying ‘Lays, you can’t have just one’. Kind of catchy, huh? I think they call that truth in advertising.
So Carrie, check with David on Bret – it’s ok with Champ and me – and don’t forget to send that picture to the Stuckmann ranger house.
Tommy K and Champ
PS – our favorite holiday is coming up – Valentine’s Day!
[Reply]