An Open Letter to Tommy K
January 12, 2010 by admin
Filed under living with me
Dear Tom,
My staff informed me that you left a comment on this post and it needed to be addressed personally.
I remember it all. Even more than you do.
Roses on Valentine’s Day, always. Your smile made you look like a school boy but your bad ass silver Porsche said otherwise.
Lunches on Tuesday, yes. Remember when I showed up at your store, confessing everything and you thought you could fix it by making a confession of your own? Apples and oranges, Tommy. Apples and oranges.
Let me win in card games? No. But remember when I was encouraging you to institute the asterisk that became GFA?
Better yet, remember that one time I was really drunk? Sure you do, it was after a Rotary Christmas party and we were at the table with four other couples and I had a revelation … I clearly stated, “I am the only one at this table that hasn’t slept with Mary Jane.”
This was the same night I robbed Steve the Banker during Liar’s Dice. Depth Charge, baby. I don’t think I’ve played Liar’s Dice since that night but I can’t think about any game of dice without seeing Mary Jane clenching a quarter between her front teeth. Oooh, and before we had dinner do you remember when you twirled Lizzy Belle with so much enthusiasm she fell flat on her ass on the dance floor. Gotta love a live band. And you’ve got to love Lizzie. She popped right up, danced some more, and never skipped a beat of the song she was singing.
Of course, I remember our pact and I will always be your Care Bear, didn’t we just enter our third decade of friendship? And your Happy New Year’s message from Champ will never, ever be deleted from my cellphone. Can’t share it with anyone, but it’s too sweet to delete. In fact, I was just telling a friend about you a few days ago. Remember the time I asked you, “So what’s the point of anything happening in the woods if no one ever knows about it?” You said, what happens in the woods stays in the woods. My friend disagreed with you. Don’t make me choose between the two of you.
I know why you are here, Tom. This is about Elvis, isn’t it? It’s been a few years since you’ve sang Blue Christmas in my ear. You were so close, your whispered singing gave me goosebumps. Your rendition of A Very Merry Karen Carpenter Christmas, not so much. And now Elvis just celebrated his if I would have been alive, I’d be seventy-five birthday. Time flies.
Remember when you bought the vintage Elvis book? You wrote a beautiful dedication in the front of the book, pretending you were Elvis revealing for the first time that I was LisaMarie’s sister.
And speaking of books, I know you want to borrow my book for Lizzie. Go ahead, she’s not going to read it anyway. You can borrow it and can make notes in the margins. Hell, use a highlighter if you must. I’ll consider your edits.
Welcome back.
Carrie, Candid Carrie, my beautiful Care Bear, I can’t believe it, on this wonderful Candid Carrie Website, me, Tommy K from Sheboygan has an ‘open letter’ from the skilled hand of Candid Carrie. What a sensation, what a way to go into the new year – I will now face 2010 with confidence (even a swagger) my Care Bear is back!
‘I Once Had Your Body’ was a great read. To add to it – do you remember back in the day getting ready for lunch duty at LCA (how could you improve on perfection?) you happened to notice in the mirror the beginning of a ‘cleavage furrow’ between your eternally perky breasts? I must say you handled it well and with humor (but it did seem like you kept those kids in cleaning the floor well into recess).
Given we’re speaking of breasts (something I rarely do) remember the time you tricked me into revealing myself by writing about Miriah Carey? Did you happen to see her on the Golden Globes last night?!! Candid Carrie . . . how does that work?
Yea, Miriah Carey at the Stuckmann Adventure and Wild Life Park and Camping Emporium – those were the days. Bret and Aaron zooming around in Barbie’s Corvette. They sure liked racing around in that car. It made for more road repair at the park, but I didn’t mind – it allowed for more alone time with me and Barbie. Speaking of Miriah, I’ve got to start working on entertainment for this summers campers – we open Memorial Day – only about four and a half months from now. I’m sure we won’t be able to get Miriah now that she’s married. I was thinking maybe we could get good old ‘Mayor Bob’ and his sister-in-law to be an opening act. David could build a set to look like Brennan’s bar – I could get Doug to come as the bartender and over serve him and you know his wife, maybe get her to come make comments about him. It could be pretty funny. Another thought was to have David build some ramps which we would then line up some of the busses and campers and have ‘Uncle Dave’ come shooting in with one of his corvettes, fire up the ramp, sky over the busses and land just short of the woods on the other side. I’m just not sure if everyone would appreciate that as much as we would. I guess I’ll need a bigger main act . . . I’ll get back to you on that.
Have to go now and make sure the fire lanes are plowed open – but I’ll stay warm this winter knowing my little Care Bear still has a place for me in her kind and generous heart . . . Love, TK
Care Bear,
Where did my precious two comments go? An administration cut, or . . . those sensitive censor that are known to be on your payroll? (why is that question mark soo small? Is it especially cold tonight? There’s alot of mystery with CandidCarrie.com!
Your picture on the MilwaukeeMoms, Got Milk? is excellent – that’s the Carrie we all know and love – open, a little irreverent, but sweet, approachable, friendly, fun loving and ofcourse, hot. When Champ saw it, he want to get a photo from you that we could hang on the wall at the ranger house – it gets pretty slow this time of the year at the Stuckmann Wild Life and Camping Park and seeing that lovely picture would give us a lift.
Speaking of the Park – I haven’t had success yet in lining up entertainment for this upcoming summer. I suppose by now David has told you about Tiger Woods hiding out from the press, Elin, etc. It hasn’t been much of a problem for us – Champ bunks with me and Tiger has his room. I guess the only problem is that he never goes outside the house – just sits there all day long, looking at the golf channel and talking about Elin – how he doesn’t want her to leave him, how much he loves her and on and on. It gets kind of hard to be around after a while.
The latest news is we got a call from Bret the other day. He was talking about how much he enjoyed being at the park last year and if we would allow him to come starting on 2/7/10, maybe stay for a couple weeks. Seems he is having a hard time getting over the big loss in the championship game. Check with David and see what he thinks. We could maybe put him and Tiger in the same room (there is bunk beds in there already). He would like to hunt in the Stuckmann woods, fish in the creek – just kind of be alone for a while. I can’t believe how hard he’s taking that loss. I thought I would cheer him up a little when I said to him, ‘why are taking this so hard – hell you’ve been choking in big games for years’. It didn’t seem to help.
Atleast Tiger has had some good news since he’s been here. You know he’s lost a lot of his big sponship deals. Well, last week Frito Lay called and wanted him to push their products – the first ad will have Tiger on the front of a bag of Frito Lay chips – he’ll have a chip in his hand while saying ‘Lays, you can’t have just one’. Kind of catchy, huh? I think they call that truth in advertising.
So Carrie, check with David on Bret – it’s ok with Champ and me – and don’t forget to send that picture to the Stuckmann ranger house.
Tommy K and Champ
PS – our favorite holiday is coming up – Valentine’s Day!
Care Bear,
Just wanted to drop you a note thanking you for getting that picture to us that we had recently asked for. Wow, that was fast! CandidCarrie.com is a big organization – but still very efficient. I thought you would be interested where we put it – you know that really well hung picture of Champ on the living room wall? The one you always admire when you stop in at the ranger house?! Well, we put you right next to it. We arranged it so that it looks like you’re waving to Champ with your hand and that big, hairy guy looks like he is winking back at you – like he’s really in to you. Can’t wait for you to see it.
Still don’t have anything lined up for sure for this summer. Elin came and picked Tiger up over the weekend. That’s one angry woman – still. Tiger kept asking me; ‘are you sure there aren’t any golf clubs in the car?’ She could go bear hunting with a switch and come home with two! I almost had to push him in the car. Well, atleast he’s gone now and Bret can have the room to himself . . . and his TV. Boy he got just a huge TV from Sears. Takes up most of the wall. Watching the Super Bowl yesterday – you should have seen him laugh when Payton Manning threw that late interception that lost the game for the Colts – just like he did two weeks ago . . . and the same guy intercepted both of those throws. He actually laughed so hard, he got hysterical. After about a half hour of it, we had to call the doctor and get him a sedative. Weird, huh?!!
Ranger Tom and Rangerette Champ