Idiopathic Fears, Elevators
May 18, 2010 by admin
Filed under living with me
Elevators.
First of all, I have overcome my fear of escalators by not using them and if you will notice by my not using them they are becoming obsolete.
Anyway, elevators scare me big time. It isn’t the stomach-lurching ride equivalent to the worst thing Six Flags has to offer. And it isn’t the cable-grinding noises of metal grating on metal while it stretches trying to determine if we’ve reached maximum capacity. I am not worried about being trapped between floors and doing gymnastics of Olympic proportions while scaling to safety.
I worry about being the designated caregiver to those that are left behind once the elevator fails. Selfish? You bet. My role as Perpetual Rescue Woman (ta ta ta da) might become apparent in the event of an untimely emergency.
I can’t help but picture the following scenarios:
Hey Perpetual Rescue Woman, stay here with Dying Man That Doesn’t Have Enough Oxygen To Make It Out Of The Elevator Shaft. We can’t save him so maybe you could pray with him and you both will know you are riding the big elevator to the sky. Ba-Bye.
Hey Perpetual Rescue Woman, please stay here with my son. He is Obese Wheelchair Boy and there is no way we can both make it out. He’s tied me to that wheelchair long enough and I want to be free at last, free at last. I’ll tell everyone how brave you were today. Ba-Bye.
Hey Perpetual Rescue Woman, you like animals don’t you? I can tell because you have cat hair all over yourself. Don’t lie to me Perpetual Rescue Woman, I know you like animals. I’ve seen your blog. I’ve got cats to feed and a dog to let out so bend over, I can use your back as a ladder to safety. Ba-Bye.
Hey Perpetual Rescue Woman, you have six kids right? Cut the crap, I’ve read your blog and I know you’ve got six kids. Now stay here with my sextuplets and their big ass stroller. If the seven of you get out of here alive it will make a great blog post in the future. Look me up, my name is Doe. Jane Doe. Ba-Bye.
And this is why I take the stairs.
This is hilarious! I was drawn to your post because I also have a huge fear of elevators…I just chalk it up to my claustraphobia, and I also think I don’t like the fact that I can’t “control” if the doors will open (I think that’s why I’m afraid to fly anymore, because I can’t control that crazy plane but we’d all be in trouble if I could…). Anyway, it’s bad. So bad that I normally won’t go in an elevator unless someone else does, too. I couldn’t quite figure out why until I read your post. Now I know that it means that I’ll be looking for you, Perpetual Rescue Woman, to calm me down and keep me sane if I get trapped. Thanks for the lightbulb moment. HA!