Friday Foto Fiesta Friday, 2010.01.15

During late November’s warm-ish spell, Travis took the rest of the kids to the sunny shores of Lake Michigan while his friend took pictures.  My two favorites are the ones on the bottom, their hand prints and a sand angel. Least favorite part is that when I told Trav to grab a hat, he grabbed a girl’s hat. I know, if I wouldn’t have said anything you wouldn’t have noticed.

 

 

An Open Letter to Tommy K

Dear Tom,

My staff informed me that you left a comment on this post and it needed to be addressed personally.

I remember it all. Even more than you do.

Roses on Valentine’s Day, always. Your smile made you look like a school boy but your bad ass silver Porsche said otherwise.

Lunches on Tuesday, yes. Remember when I showed up at your store, confessing everything and you thought you could fix it by making a confession of your own? Apples and oranges, Tommy. Apples and oranges.

Let me win in card games? No. But remember when I was encouraging you to institute the asterisk that became GFA?

Better yet, remember that one time I was really drunk? Sure you do, it was after a Rotary Christmas party and we were at the table with four other couples and I had a revelation … I clearly stated, “I am the only one at this table that hasn’t slept with Mary Jane.”

This was the same night I robbed Steve the Banker during Liar’s Dice. Depth Charge, baby. I don’t think I’ve played Liar’s Dice since that night but I can’t think about any game of dice without seeing Mary Jane clenching a quarter between her front teeth. Oooh, and before we had dinner do you remember when you twirled Lizzy Belle with so much enthusiasm she fell flat on her ass on the dance floor. Gotta love a live band. And you’ve got to love Lizzie. She popped right up, danced some more, and never skipped a beat of the song she was singing.

Of course, I remember our pact and I will always be your Care Bear, didn’t we just enter our third decade of friendship? And your Happy New Year’s message from Champ will never, ever be deleted from my cellphone. Can’t share it with anyone, but it’s too sweet to delete. In fact, I was just telling a friend about you a few days ago. Remember the time I asked you, “So what’s the point of anything happening in the woods if no one ever knows about it?” You said, what happens in the woods stays in the woods. My friend disagreed with you. Don’t make me choose between the two of you.

I know why you are here, Tom. This is about Elvis, isn’t it? It’s been a few years since you’ve sang Blue Christmas in my ear. You were so close, your whispered singing gave me goosebumps.  Your rendition of A Very Merry Karen Carpenter Christmas, not so much. And now Elvis just celebrated his if I would have been alive, I’d be seventy-five birthday. Time flies.

Remember when you bought the vintage Elvis book? You wrote a beautiful dedication in the front of the book, pretending you were Elvis revealing for the first time that I was LisaMarie’s sister.

And speaking of books, I know you want to borrow my book for Lizzie. Go ahead, she’s not going to read it anyway. You can borrow it and can make notes in the margins. Hell, use a highlighter if you must. I’ll consider your edits.

Welcome back.

 

 

No. Not Art Clokey, Dammit.

Gumby creator Art Clokey dies at 88

LOS OSOS, Calif. (AP) — Animator Art Clokey, whose bendable creation Gumby became a pop culture phenomenon through decades of toys, revivals and satires, died Friday. He was 88.

I’ve had a crazy love affair with Gumby for as long as I can remember. The fascination never ceased. This tall man has held my heart in his firm green hands for decades. I’ve got Gumby clothes, and Rug Barn Gumby throw (thanks Bev), a Gumby collection right by my kitchen sink, and a Gumby cookie jar.

 

You would expect someone with a gingerbread man body and a perpetual yellow smile  to have a signature fragrance, but it never happened. Maybe now would be the time to introduce a slightly spicy scent in a commemorative decanter for those who are just starting to appreciate Gumby.

I understand that the death of Art Clokey is going to cause a flood of Gumby interest. A new generation will learn the history of that is “Gumbasia.”  I want to go on the record now stating I’ve been doing my part to keep Gumby’s image fresh and crisp.

Don’t even get me started on Pokey. Damn Pokey is what held Gumby back all these years. Gumby coulda been a contender, he could have been someone.  Pokey’s drug addiction is what kept Gumby from accepting roles which may have included these famous lines:

• “Gumby, we have a problem.”  –Apollo Thirteen
• “If you build it, Gumby will come.” –Field of Dreams
• “Beam me up, Mr. Scott.” –Star Trek IV
• “Frankly Gumby, I don’t give a damn.” –Gone with the Wind
• “I love the smell of Gumby in the morning.” — Apocolypse Now
• Gumby, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you? –The Graduate
• Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a Gumby night. –All About Eve
• “Soylent Green is Gumby!” –Soylent Green
• “Nobody puts Gumby in a corner.” –Dirty Dancing
• “Dear eight  pounds sux ounces… new born infant Gumby, don’t even know a word yet. –Talladaga Nights.
• “They call me Mister Gumby!”  –Heat of the Night.
• “I’m as mad as Gumby, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” –Network.
• “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Gumby? You just put your yellow lips together and blow.” –To Have and Have Not

Yeah, don’t even get me started on Pokey.

Rest in peace, Art Clokey.

 

Baby Clothes So Cool, I’m Thinking About Reproducing

Baby needs a new pair of shoes. No seriously, baby needs a new pair of shoes. Check these out.

Not interested in shoe shopping? No problem.

Here’s what I want you to remember … I love sillysouls.com, I like the unexpected slogans that state the facts. Calling your baby a boob man is as old as time, putting those words on baby clothes is fresh and fun.

How long did it take you to realize that your adorable little baby was a fart factory? Tell the world!

Your kids aren’t going to stay baby-sized forever. Have some fun picking out their clothes because before you know it you’ll be forced to look at your teens wearing their own brand of inappropriate slogans.

With categories like urban cool, breast feeding spoof, potty humor, and more you can have fun dressing your child and collecting an entire scrapbook of amazing photographs you will want to share with your baby’s friends at a later point in time.

 

Here’s what Silly Souls would like you to remember: SILLY SOULS TO OPEN FIRST BRICK & MORTAR LOCATION AT LIMELIGHT MARKETPLACE IN MANHATTAN. New York, NY (January 4, 2010) – Silly Souls, maker of sassy and fun baby apparel and accessories, is set to host their first store front location in New York City’s Limelight Marketplace – a premier shopping destination in the heart of Manhattan’s Flatiron district, opening in March 2010.
 
Silly Souls by babygags inc. features captivating catchphrases on its apparel, silly enough to conjure a smile and make shopping for baby apparel and shoes fun for everyone.  The Silly Souls product line includes cotton layette gift sets for kids 0-6 years old, big brother and sister gifts, hats, bibs, bottles, dish sets, birth announcements, socks, an organic selection of bibs and bodysuits, and funny fabulous baby shoes.
 
“At Silly Souls, we believe the little things in life, like a silly joke on the cutest gift, can bring out a smile and youthful side to any soul,” said Shelley Foster, founder of Silly Souls.  “The Limelight Marketplace is a hip, new and modern endeavor, which is a great reflection of our company. We look forward to expanding Silly Souls in such a unique and fun atmosphere.”
 
Silly Souls will be among 60 retailers opening brick-and-mortar locations at Limelight Marketplace, the brainchild of fashion retailer Jack Menashe, who is transforming an historic 163-year-old venue into a three-story “festival of shops,” with elaborate facades and varied designs that invoke the feeling of a stroll down a marvelous European street. Limelight Marketplace welcomes innovative retailers and entrepreneurs, providing a unique “turn-key” solution for start-ups and established brands looking for a presence in the New York City retail market.
 
“We are thrilled to welcome Silly Souls to our growing list of retailers, and are so pleased that our business plan has allowed them to open their first brick and mortar store.” said President Jack Menashe. “With the inclusion of Silly Souls, New York City parents will soon discover an amazing resource for the whole family at Limelight Marketplace.”

 Click link for more information on Limelight Marketplace.

 

 

 

You Spilled Something

Six year old daughter: Mom you spilled something on Monday.

Fifty-one year old me: What? How do you know?

Six year old daughter: Actually, it was Monday afternoon.

She was right.

I did spill chocolate pudding.

On Monday afternoon.

Storage Unit Series, Barbie Ken and ZZ Top

After years of living in separate Rubbermaid totes, Barbie was reunited were her old pals Ken and Alan.

“Some things never change,” thought Barbie. “You would think after all these years Ken and Alan would stop exposing their junk,” she laughed heartily recalling old times. Of course, the old times were before the incident. It seems like just yesterday when Alan injured his knee during the hostile war between Mattel and Colorforms.

Even before the guys met Barbie, Ken was the brain and Alan was the brawn. Decades had past since what they now called “the incident” and slowly the dynamics of their relationship became reversed. No longer able to play tennis or scuba dive, Alan’s role was relegated to more physically simple tasks such as surgery or accounting. Ken, still refusing to wear pants during any circumstances, came up with the idea of Dumpster Diving for spare parts.

As Ken and Alan revealed their latest find to Barbie, they started singing in perfect unison,

She’s got legs, she knows how to use ‘em
She never begs, she knows how to chose ‘em
Were holdin’ legs, wonderin’ how to use ‘em
I’d love to get behind ‘em
Hey Barbie would you mind ‘em
She’s my baby, she’s my baby
Yeah, it’s alright.

Barbie laughed out loud as they presented the bendable legs. “Those are Francie’s legs!”

“We don’t care who they came from, Barbie,” said Alan. “For years I listened to you tell me to grow a pair. I know you were referring to my junk but I had a lot of time to think while we were in separate totes. I knew if I ever got out of the storage unit I planned to find a pair and ask you to be mine. When Ken suggested Dumpster Diving and I saw the legs, well the plan took on a life of it’s own.”

Unable to keep her mouth shut any longer, Tressy interrupted the conversation. “I have alopecia,” she sobbed. “Did your Dumpster Diving get you any closer to helping me?”

Barbie sneered. “It’s always about you, isn’t Tressy.”

Tressy lowered her eyes in shame, knowing that this was Alan’s time to be optimistic.

Barbie’s slightly moldy face broken into a grin.

“I did a little Dumpster Diving of my own, Tressy,” said Barbie as she broke into song.

I’ve got heads, you’ll know how to use ‘em
I’ve got heads, juts try not to lose ‘em
I’d love to let you have ‘em
Girl, you’ve got to have ‘em
These heads are alright.

And for the four friends, separated for decades in the storage unit, it was as though they had always been together. They laughed with gusto, reliving old times and looking forward to new times with better body parts. Barbie vowed to share Ken and Alan with Tressy.

Tressy wasn’t thinking about their reunion or the generous gift of spare heads and attractive wigs. She was wondering if anyone would notice what happened during their years apart. This was worse than Alan’s knee, worse than Barbie’s mold tinged face, more disgraceful than Ken’s diminutive package. This was about the damage caused by Brainsuckers. “How long before anyone notices”, wondered Tressy.

Do you want the story continued?