A McDonald’s straw wrapper

Old french fries underneath my car seat

Three pieces of gum with the foil attached

Four Tic Tacs and one dryer sheet

The swim suit bottom my daughter had lost

When she was only a size 6 X

Four pencils

One pen

Two Lego men

A Tinker Toy and three K’NEX

Este Lauder Lipstick

Had melted real quick

Earthen Nude, Limited was the shade

Twenty dollars a pop, in a sweet little glop

Nothing left but the stain that it made

Nineteen Kleenex balls

Seven Tootsie Pop wraps

An Addidas sandal, navy blue

A Nike golf club

A parking lot stub

A dead wasp, no wait, make that two.

Looks like a litter of puppies, doesn’t it?

I told you so!

Directions are super easy.

1. Let your kid pick out what ever clothes they think make them look their best.

2. Print your Valentine message from your computer.

3. Have a super fun photo shoot!

4. Print out as many wallet size pictures you will need.

I miss sweaty kids.

I miss being on the swing set.

(Don’t judge me, I like being on the swing set.)

And I miss letting my alpaca roam.

(Alright, I don’t have alpaca, but if I did this one would be my favorite.)

Remember when it was warm enough that you could

actually take your snake for a walk?

Yup, I miss green.

What do you miss?

None of this is even my fault.

My friend Chris had this on his facebook page.

I think they found it when they were facebook stalking.

Nice going, Chris.

Let’s just hope none of them end up blind.

Now tell me what’s been going on in your home?

Today, I looked for and found fresh words to share.  I’m not trying to convince anyone that I’m a better person because I had her in my life. Today I’m just sad. Sad and tired.

I’ll confess I’ve been in a writing slump since November 7 because on that day Travis turned 21 and his twin sister Madeleine didn’t.  And as much as I’d love to pretend that I don’t cry about it any more I can’t stop crying today and that has never happened to me before. I’m crying way too early. I never cry until January 6.

I decided I want to move past this self-induced mourning. So rather than wait until Wednesday, which is the actual anniversary of Madeleine’s death, I am publishing my raw thoughts today, two days early.  I’m feeling them now, so I’m showing them now and I’ll be ready to move on again.

This is my first picture of her.

And this is the last.

And you already know she has a twin brother, Travis.

What you don’t know is that all Travis asked for on his 21st birthday was to receive something that was special from Madeleine that he could have as a keepsake. I gave him the bear she was holding in the first picture.  I meant to keep it forever, but I was surprised how ready I was to let it go.

And what I didn’t know is that on his 21st birthday his drink request was two shots of Jameson. He drank one and left the other sit on the bar that night in her honor.

I’ve got tears again, but these are tears of pride. I’ve spent years studying my daughter’s tiny hand casually draped over the teddy bear.  Now I stare at the  strong adult hand of her brother holding the very same toy. I remember the day I found out I was having twins. I stopped at the hospital gift shop and made my first “twin” purchase. Two teddy bears at $6.99 each made the pair of babies a reality. Reality hit hard when I buried one of the teddy bears with Madeleine, reality came full circle when I was able to hand the remaining bear to Travis.

I’m starting to forget some of the details of the Saturday she died. I’m not sure what kind of weather we had, I know we had glistening, swirling snow on the day she was buried … it was almost magical. But on the day she died, I really don’t remember.

Surprisingly, I do remember slivers from songs I heard on the radio to and from the funeral home while I finalized  arrangements.

Tell me why are we
So blind to see.
That the ones we hurt
Are you and me?

She said I have to go home
‘Cause I’m real tired you see

I ain’t got many friends left to talk to
No one’s around when I’m in trouble

I saw you first
Don’t that give me the right
To move around in your heart
Everyone was looking
But I saw you first

Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Don’t make no difference what nobody says
Aint nobody like to be alone

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain
Let her go, let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be, let her be.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to
I know that you’re gonna have it your way or nothing at all
But I think you’re moving too fast

And I’ve got the predictability of  “this” because it happens every year. Without fail I begin the slide downhill on November 7th and without realizing it, this year I have become abundantly anxious to propel myself as far into the new year as humanly possible, or at least well past January 6.

As a non-fiction author I avoid using poetic license. As a humorist, I seldom embellish to stress the obvious. Writers are allowed to use poetic license to heighten the effect of their work. It wasn’t until this afternoon that I realized I could also use my poetic license to intentionally deviate from all normally applicable rules or practices by bumping ahead the pages of time. Therefore, I am officially moving on with my life two days earlier than usual.

I’m done writing for today. I’m publishing this because I’m ready and through my tears I am smiling.

Madeleine did amazing things in seven years but even more amazing than that, she’s been gone twice as long as she was ever here and I’m still reveling in the ripple effect from her pond. I’m standing strong and tall and I’m ready to grow forward two days early.

Sleep in heavenly peace, Madeleine. Sleep in heavenly peace.

Two years ago I picked up a set of three candle stick holder things at T.J. Maxx.Marked down after the holiday season, they were heavy metal with some greenery woven through, couple of frosted red berries, little bit of grapevine. I decorate largely in botanicals so I thought this would be a perfect fit with the rest of my holiday decorations.

My original plan was to use these along the fireplace mantel, which would be very unlike me.  I am a big fan of even numbers and symetrical settings so to plan on using three of these on my fireplace was a foreign thought, like a brain fart I guess.

And on a side note, brain farts are important. They must be released quickly. If allowed to build up the can cause shitty ideas.

Back to the story at hand. When I returned home with these Stellar Sale Price candle holders the bottom tripod was too wide to fit on the mantel, I hadn’t even thought of that little detail. I hadn’t imagine these suckers anywhere but above the fireplace.

I parked two of the candle holders on the dining room buffet. I’ll admit they looked unsteady on that tiled counter so I positioned a few metal birds in front for protection.

And I put the other three-legged candle holder in the dining room on the corner table.

Incidentally, the corner table serves no purpose other than to hold some fake fruit and the vintage sewing basket where we keep the rechargable batteries and battery rechargers.

At this point, I will let the pictures tell the story.

At some point, one of the resident idiots quickly and carelessly I went digging for a battery.

Never in my widest imagination did I anticipate a result like this:

What’s happening in your home ?

At age fifteen . . .

1. In your Phriday personal post, include a phavorite photograph (like how I did that?) and a brief description of why it is your phave. Anything at all works for me … one picture, more pictures, a video … even if you participate it another blogger’s Friday event you can double up as long as you link back to me within your post.

2. My advice is that you jump on board now bephore everyone in the nation gets involved and there are no mega-giga-y2k-bytes lepht phor you!

3. As always, if you have any questions or just want to chat about cats or kids or what I am going to do with the ten spare hours I now have every Phriday, you can contact me at candidcarrie at gmail dot com!

5. Try to remember to link back to me, if you don’t know how or would like some help, I’ll gladly assist you!

Let the Phestivities begin!

Fifty-one year old me: What? How do you know?

Six year old daughter: Actually, it was Monday afternoon.

She was right.

I did spill chocolate pudding.

On Monday afternoon.