Friday Foto Fiesta Finish, 2009.02.05

Today’s photographs are a couple years old, but I know I’ve never posted them. This was taken the morning after Travis’ high school graduation party. All the boys crashed on top of the trampoline and slept under the stars that night.

 

 

Looks like a litter of puppies, doesn’t it?

 

 

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta, 2010.01.29

Brace yourself for the sweetest homemade Valentine you’ve ever seen!

 

I told you so!

Directions are super easy.

1. Let your kid pick out what ever clothes they think make them look their best.

2. Print your Valentine message from your computer.

3. Have a super fun photo shoot!

4. Print out as many wallet size pictures you will need.

 

 

 

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta, 2010.01.22

I miss green.

I miss sweaty kids.

I miss being on the swing set.

(Don’t judge me, I like being on the swing set.)

 

And I miss letting my alpaca roam.

(Alright, I don’t have alpaca, but if I did this one would be my favorite.)

Remember when it was warm enough that you could

actually take your snake for a walk?

Yup, I miss green.

 

What do you miss?

Friday Foto Fiesta Friday, 2010.01.15

During late November’s warm-ish spell, Travis took the rest of the kids to the sunny shores of Lake Michigan while his friend took pictures.  My two favorites are the ones on the bottom, their hand prints and a sand angel. Least favorite part is that when I told Trav to grab a hat, he grabbed a girl’s hat. I know, if I wouldn’t have said anything you wouldn’t have noticed.

 

 

If David Copperfield Were Incontinent*

* I wrote this late October, 2007. It has always been one of my favorites and today seemed like a great day to run it for all of you. At the time I wrote this DavidCopperfield (one word) was being investigated for allegedly sexually assaulting a young woman in his warehouse. Today, the investigation has been completed and you can read about it here or here.

It must really be horrible to be famous and have people wanting a chunk of you. I’ve always thought of David Copperfield as a well-groomed man of mystery. I also imagined that he would smell good when he wasn’t working. If he would smell good on the job you would be able to tell where he was going to be next and that would ruin the entire illusion. He would leave a fragrance trail that could expose the exact path he took to get from Point A to Point B.

I’ve got a really good sniffer myself. We’ve got a couple of cats and I can tell as soon as someone takes a leak in one of my VERY clean litter boxes. I am able to detect urine in a baby’s diaper within seconds after its appearance. Basically, if David Copperfield was incontinent I could totally destroy some of his phenomenal illusions.

So back to David Copperfield, which is one of those names where you always have to say the first and last names together every time he is referenced. He is not a David and he is not a Mr. Copperfield. But he is very much a David Copperfield, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, much like David Copperfield, I like stuff. I don’t have warehouses of stuff like he does, but because I don’t have a garage right now I do have a storage unit of stuff.

So the feds have been sifting through David Copperfield’s stuff because he is famous and somebody said something crappy about him. From what I have seen on CNN highlights, our international man of mystery has some way cool stuff. Much more cool than my stuff, but there is no way I would want the feds rifling through my stuff either! I would look suspicious for just about any crime they would want to pin on me. I would be a profiler’s easiest day at the office.

** Hmm, she’s got a decapitated Barbie doll. It appears to be one of the originals but why would she have a naked Barbie with chewed off fingers wrapped in one bag and the head wrapped in a totally separate bag?

** Hmm, here’s a monkey with it’s lips colored brighter red than the original lips were intended.

** Look at these baby dolls, they all have holes punched in the sides of their heads.

If a stranger looked at my stuff I would come across as a self-maiming baby-mutilator with mommy issues where in reality I am less colorful.

** Yeah, Barbie’s head is off. She’s almost fifty and her neck is shot.

** Sure, I tried to recolor my monkey’s mouth once its lips faded from me washing it’s little monkey face.

** Big deal, I tried to pierce my babies’ ears. Who hasn’t?

But peoples’ stuff in storage is private. If there is an investigation going on within David Copperfield’s warehouse I don’t think it is my business to be invited along in for the once over. If given the opportunity I would gawk and stare and tell my friends everything I saw, but I don’t think I should be given the opportunity in the first place. I love my friends dearly, but invite them into my storage unit for a look see? I don’t’ think so.

Stay strong, David Copperfield. I think it must really suck to be you right now. I’ve never been in the spotlight to the degree that you have been, in fact the closest I’ve ever come to a spotlight is the light that goes on when you open the refrigerator door. However, I have had my private life scattered around in a somewhat public manner and it is a miserable thing to have to go through and. I can appreciate the tremendous amount of stress that must be in your life right now. I have no words of wisdom to offer you except that this will pass. Perhaps once the authorities are done with your warehouse and you think there is faint urine odor where some chief of something may have whizzed on your biz, call me and I can help you determine the exact site of contamination.

 

No. Not Art Clokey, Dammit.

Gumby creator Art Clokey dies at 88

LOS OSOS, Calif. (AP) — Animator Art Clokey, whose bendable creation Gumby became a pop culture phenomenon through decades of toys, revivals and satires, died Friday. He was 88.

I’ve had a crazy love affair with Gumby for as long as I can remember. The fascination never ceased. This tall man has held my heart in his firm green hands for decades. I’ve got Gumby clothes, and Rug Barn Gumby throw (thanks Bev), a Gumby collection right by my kitchen sink, and a Gumby cookie jar.

 

You would expect someone with a gingerbread man body and a perpetual yellow smile  to have a signature fragrance, but it never happened. Maybe now would be the time to introduce a slightly spicy scent in a commemorative decanter for those who are just starting to appreciate Gumby.

I understand that the death of Art Clokey is going to cause a flood of Gumby interest. A new generation will learn the history of that is “Gumbasia.”  I want to go on the record now stating I’ve been doing my part to keep Gumby’s image fresh and crisp.

Don’t even get me started on Pokey. Damn Pokey is what held Gumby back all these years. Gumby coulda been a contender, he could have been someone.  Pokey’s drug addiction is what kept Gumby from accepting roles which may have included these famous lines:

• “Gumby, we have a problem.”  –Apollo Thirteen
• “If you build it, Gumby will come.” –Field of Dreams
• “Beam me up, Mr. Scott.” –Star Trek IV
• “Frankly Gumby, I don’t give a damn.” –Gone with the Wind
• “I love the smell of Gumby in the morning.” — Apocolypse Now
• Gumby, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you? –The Graduate
• Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a Gumby night. –All About Eve
• “Soylent Green is Gumby!” –Soylent Green
• “Nobody puts Gumby in a corner.” –Dirty Dancing
• “Dear eight  pounds sux ounces… new born infant Gumby, don’t even know a word yet. –Talladaga Nights.
• “They call me Mister Gumby!”  –Heat of the Night.
• “I’m as mad as Gumby, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” –Network.
• “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Gumby? You just put your yellow lips together and blow.” –To Have and Have Not

Yeah, don’t even get me started on Pokey.

Rest in peace, Art Clokey.

 

Baby Clothes So Cool, I’m Thinking About Reproducing

Baby needs a new pair of shoes. No seriously, baby needs a new pair of shoes. Check these out.

Not interested in shoe shopping? No problem.

Here’s what I want you to remember … I love sillysouls.com, I like the unexpected slogans that state the facts. Calling your baby a boob man is as old as time, putting those words on baby clothes is fresh and fun.

How long did it take you to realize that your adorable little baby was a fart factory? Tell the world!

Your kids aren’t going to stay baby-sized forever. Have some fun picking out their clothes because before you know it you’ll be forced to look at your teens wearing their own brand of inappropriate slogans.

With categories like urban cool, breast feeding spoof, potty humor, and more you can have fun dressing your child and collecting an entire scrapbook of amazing photographs you will want to share with your baby’s friends at a later point in time.

 

Here’s what Silly Souls would like you to remember: SILLY SOULS TO OPEN FIRST BRICK & MORTAR LOCATION AT LIMELIGHT MARKETPLACE IN MANHATTAN. New York, NY (January 4, 2010) – Silly Souls, maker of sassy and fun baby apparel and accessories, is set to host their first store front location in New York City’s Limelight Marketplace – a premier shopping destination in the heart of Manhattan’s Flatiron district, opening in March 2010.
 
Silly Souls by babygags inc. features captivating catchphrases on its apparel, silly enough to conjure a smile and make shopping for baby apparel and shoes fun for everyone.  The Silly Souls product line includes cotton layette gift sets for kids 0-6 years old, big brother and sister gifts, hats, bibs, bottles, dish sets, birth announcements, socks, an organic selection of bibs and bodysuits, and funny fabulous baby shoes.
 
“At Silly Souls, we believe the little things in life, like a silly joke on the cutest gift, can bring out a smile and youthful side to any soul,” said Shelley Foster, founder of Silly Souls.  “The Limelight Marketplace is a hip, new and modern endeavor, which is a great reflection of our company. We look forward to expanding Silly Souls in such a unique and fun atmosphere.”
 
Silly Souls will be among 60 retailers opening brick-and-mortar locations at Limelight Marketplace, the brainchild of fashion retailer Jack Menashe, who is transforming an historic 163-year-old venue into a three-story “festival of shops,” with elaborate facades and varied designs that invoke the feeling of a stroll down a marvelous European street. Limelight Marketplace welcomes innovative retailers and entrepreneurs, providing a unique “turn-key” solution for start-ups and established brands looking for a presence in the New York City retail market.
 
“We are thrilled to welcome Silly Souls to our growing list of retailers, and are so pleased that our business plan has allowed them to open their first brick and mortar store.” said President Jack Menashe. “With the inclusion of Silly Souls, New York City parents will soon discover an amazing resource for the whole family at Limelight Marketplace.”

 Click link for more information on Limelight Marketplace.

 

 

 

Everybody Needs A Place To Rest

Fourteen years ago my daughter Madeleine died. The past few years I’ve shared the same writings with you, over and over. I’ve actually altered, edited, and tweaked those words until they have become nothing more to me then the script of her life and ultimately her death.

Today, I looked for and found fresh words to share.  I’m not trying to convince anyone that I’m a better person because I had her in my life. Today I’m just sad. Sad and tired.

I’ll confess I’ve been in a writing slump since November 7 because on that day Travis turned 21 and his twin sister Madeleine didn’t.  And as much as I’d love to pretend that I don’t cry about it any more I can’t stop crying today and that has never happened to me before. I’m crying way too early. I never cry until January 6.

I decided I want to move past this self-induced mourning. So rather than wait until Wednesday, which is the actual anniversary of Madeleine’s death, I am publishing my raw thoughts today, two days early.  I’m feeling them now, so I’m showing them now and I’ll be ready to move on again.

This is my first picture of her.

And this is the last.

And you already know she has a twin brother, Travis.

What you don’t know is that all Travis asked for on his 21st birthday was to receive something that was special from Madeleine that he could have as a keepsake. I gave him the bear she was holding in the first picture.  I meant to keep it forever, but I was surprised how ready I was to let it go.

And what I didn’t know is that on his 21st birthday his drink request was two shots of Jameson. He drank one and left the other sit on the bar that night in her honor.

I’ve got tears again, but these are tears of pride. I’ve spent years studying my daughter’s tiny hand casually draped over the teddy bear.  Now I stare at the  strong adult hand of her brother holding the very same toy. I remember the day I found out I was having twins. I stopped at the hospital gift shop and made my first “twin” purchase. Two teddy bears at $6.99 each made the pair of babies a reality. Reality hit hard when I buried one of the teddy bears with Madeleine, reality came full circle when I was able to hand the remaining bear to Travis.

I’m starting to forget some of the details of the Saturday she died. I’m not sure what kind of weather we had, I know we had glistening, swirling snow on the day she was buried … it was almost magical. But on the day she died, I really don’t remember.

Surprisingly, I do remember slivers from songs I heard on the radio to and from the funeral home while I finalized  arrangements.

Tell me why are we
So blind to see.
That the ones we hurt
Are you and me?

She said I have to go home
‘Cause I’m real tired you see

I ain’t got many friends left to talk to
No one’s around when I’m in trouble

I saw you first
Don’t that give me the right
To move around in your heart
Everyone was looking
But I saw you first

Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Don’t make no difference what nobody says
Aint nobody like to be alone

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain
Let her go, let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be, let her be.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to
I know that you’re gonna have it your way or nothing at all
But I think you’re moving too fast

And I’ve got the predictability of  “this” because it happens every year. Without fail I begin the slide downhill on November 7th and without realizing it, this year I have become abundantly anxious to propel myself as far into the new year as humanly possible, or at least well past January 6.

As a non-fiction author I avoid using poetic license. As a humorist, I seldom embellish to stress the obvious. Writers are allowed to use poetic license to heighten the effect of their work. It wasn’t until this afternoon that I realized I could also use my poetic license to intentionally deviate from all normally applicable rules or practices by bumping ahead the pages of time. Therefore, I am officially moving on with my life two days earlier than usual.

I’m done writing for today. I’m publishing this because I’m ready and through my tears I am smiling.

Madeleine did amazing things in seven years but even more amazing than that, she’s been gone twice as long as she was ever here and I’m still reveling in the ripple effect from her pond. I’m standing strong and tall and I’m ready to grow forward two days early.

Sleep in heavenly peace, Madeleine. Sleep in heavenly peace.

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta, 2010.01.01

I love a good deal. And even if I don’t need the item, well I still love a good deal. And I love decorating, not like a total over hauling of an entire room, just rotating my stuff makes me really happy.

Two years ago I picked up a set of three candle stick holder things at T.J. Maxx.Marked down after the holiday season, they were heavy metal with some greenery woven through, couple of frosted red berries, little bit of grapevine. I decorate largely in botanicals so I thought this would be a perfect fit with the rest of my holiday decorations.

My original plan was to use these along the fireplace mantel, which would be very unlike me.  I am a big fan of even numbers and symetrical settings so to plan on using three of these on my fireplace was a foreign thought, like a brain fart I guess.

And on a side note, brain farts are important. They must be released quickly. If allowed to build up the can cause shitty ideas.

Back to the story at hand. When I returned home with these Stellar Sale Price candle holders the bottom tripod was too wide to fit on the mantel, I hadn’t even thought of that little detail. I hadn’t imagine these suckers anywhere but above the fireplace.

I parked two of the candle holders on the dining room buffet. I’ll admit they looked unsteady on that tiled counter so I positioned a few metal birds in front for protection.

And I put the other three-legged candle holder in the dining room on the corner table.

Incidentally, the corner table serves no purpose other than to hold some fake fruit and the vintage sewing basket where we keep the rechargable batteries and battery rechargers.

At this point, I will let the pictures tell the story.

At some point, one of the resident idiots quickly and carelessly I went digging for a battery.

Never in my widest imagination did I anticipate a result like this:

What’s happening in your home ?

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta, 2009.12.18

At age five . . .

At age fifteen . . .

1. In your Phriday personal post, include a phavorite photograph (like how I did that?) and a brief description of why it is your phave. Anything at all works for me … one picture, more pictures, a video … even if you participate it another blogger’s Friday event you can double up as long as you link back to me within your post.

2. My advice is that you jump on board now bephore everyone in the nation gets involved and there are no mega-giga-y2k-bytes lepht phor you!

3. As always, if you have any questions or just want to chat about cats or kids or what I am going to do with the ten spare hours I now have every Phriday, you can contact me at candidcarrie at gmail dot com!

5. Try to remember to link back to me, if you don’t know how or would like some help, I’ll gladly assist you!

Let the Phestivities begin!

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